


Revengers Resemble

by beemotionpicture



Series: Revengers Shenanigans [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bruce is so gone for Thor, M/M, Shenanigans, Team Dynamics, Team Thor, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, and vice versa, shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 17:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemotionpicture/pseuds/beemotionpicture
Summary: This is the story of the notorious extremely dangerous intergalactic space crime mafia gang called the Revengers.a.k.a.The one where the Revengers disguise themselves as the Avengers to go unnoticed on an alien planet. It goes about as well as you might think.





	Revengers Resemble

**Author's Note:**

> For jason-graecus.
> 
> Written for the 2018 Thor/Bruce Secret Santa.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, Jason!
> 
> (Also, a bit of a warning: there is some discussion of the relationship between Steve and Tony. But it’s played for laughs, and absolutely not supposed to be taken seriously haha.)

“…you’re kidding me, right.” It wasn’t a question.

Thor looked baffled. “Why would I be joking?”

“You want _us_ , wanted intergalactic criminals, to disguise ourselves as your Midgardian friends and walk straight into one of the busiest hubs in this solar system.”

“Yes?” He frowned.

“You are an absolute moron,” Valkyrie said, deadpan.

Thor turned to Loki, who looked torn between amusement and exasperation. Then he turned to Bruce, who shrugged helplessly.

“I don’t think it’s a great idea either but, I mean…what else can we do?” Bruce shrugged again.

Thor threw an arm over Bruce’s shoulders. “See? Banner agrees with me.”

“That’s not what I said…”

Loki seemed to settle on amusement. “So? How do we go about doing this?”

Thor nodded, grateful that someone was finally taking him seriously. (Loki wasn’t.) “We shall don the clothing we borrowed—”

“Stole,” Bruce interrupted.

“—from the Siriusites. Then we’ll use one of the smaller aircrafts to dock on the Lumina landing pad while the Statesman remains out of orbit.” Thor grinned at his own brilliance.

Valkyrie squinted at him. “Then why don’t we just, _you know_ , pretend to be Siriusites?”

“Psh. That’ll never work. We look nothing like them,” he said, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture. “Besides, the best lies always have some degree of truth to them. Isn’t that right, brother?”

“Mhmm,” Loki said, not looking up from studying his nails.

Bruce sighed. “Okay. So I just have to pretend to be myself?”

“Of course not. We’re wanted criminals,” Thor said, looking disapprovingly at Bruce. “There are probably tons of notices calling for our arrest. No, you have to be Stark.”

“Wh- why?!”

“Because you already have experience impersonating him.”

“I literally just put his clothes on and basically acted as myself!”

Thor ignored him. “Valkyrie, you can be Natasha—or rather, Black Widow—because she was the only wo—”

“Think very carefully about how you’re going to finish that sentence, _Your Majesty_. I rather think Prince Loki over there wouldn’t imprison me for regicide.”

Loki glanced up at that, thinking about it. Thor quickly backtracked.

“No, of course not—you can be Hawkeye, a marksman matched by no other. He is truly fearless. And he hates Loki,” he added.

Valkyrie still looked suspicious, but she seemed to be appeased for now.

“I, of course, will be Steve Rogers. He’s nowhere close to my muscular build, but he will have to do.”

“Wait—” Loki realized something. Thor squeezed his shoulder.

“Brother! You will be Thor, a.k.a. me,” Thor said, looking entirely too pleased.

Loki sputtered indignantly. “I shall _not—”_

Thor clapped his hands like a schoolteacher. “Aaand that’s that! Get dressed, everyone.”

Bruce sighed for the 87624438th time that day.

 

They disembarked from the small vessel, Loki stomping ahead and Valkyrie following, looking more amused than she had any right being. Loki’s illusions were seamless, although Bruce thought Loki made a terrible blonde. Valkyrie had a toy bow slung behind her, crafted by one of the children on the ship out of scrap metal and a lock of braided hair.

Bruce and Thor brought up the rear. Looking up at him, Bruce commented quietly, “You make a good Steve, Thor.”

Thor smiled brightly down at him. “And you are an excellent Stark. You capture the way he looks at Rogers perfectly.”

Bruce looked confused. “…with disdain? Or…pained, like he swallowed a lemon?”

“What? No, with absolute adoration in his eyes.”

“ _??_ ” Bruce said. “Thor…I’m pretty sure they dislike each other. Like, a _lot_ a lot.”

“Nonsense. Your interpretation is flawless. Keep looking at me like that and no one will suspect we are not Iron Man and Captain America.”

Bruce froze. “Keep looking at you like what?”

Thor remained quiet, still smiling that knowing smile. He hummed, looking ahead of them. But the hand clasped around Bruce’s shoulder skimmed down his side to rest against the small of his back.

Bruce looked down at the ground in mortification, eyes widening and face heating. He swallowed thickly and told himself, _Banner. Stop looking at Thor like you’re in love with him or something. Jesus._

Thor was practically skipping all the way to the trading center.

 

Alright. So the problem was that the Statesman had needed to make quite a few pit stops for food and fuel in the past two weeks, and they ran out of precious stones and leather and silks to trade pretty quickly.

At the third planet they landed on, Sirius X, Loki and Valkyrie had given each other _a look_ and made a mess of the place, scamming locals and stealing as much as they could. Thor and Bruce had been meeting with one of the Siriusite leaders to request for aid, when suddenly they were chased out of the city being blasted at with ray guns.

Bruce had groaned when he found out, and Thor threw his hands up in frustration but didn’t look all that surprised.

Thus, the intergalactic space gang known as the Revengers was born.

Every ship in the solar system had received transmissions notifying them to be on the lookout for the “savage and extremely dangerous” criminals. Bruce was so done when he saw the footage; all three Asgardians looked like GQ models running away from the local law enforcement, while Bruce had been slung over Thor’s shoulder in a fireman’s carry. (“ _Sorry_ I can’t run as fast as you goddamn alien _gods_!”) He had lost quite some dignity that day.

That was last week.

Today was even stranger.

“…Thor? None of them are looking at us,” Bruce said, worried as fuck.

Thor nodded. “Of course. Our disguises are flawless.”

“No, they’re- they’re _not_ ,” Bruce insisted. “They’re kind of terrible. Something’s wrong.” 

Something was not, in fact, wrong.

Loki and Valkyrie had caught on pretty quickly. Valkyrie snorted in laughter, walking slower to let Thor and Bruce catch up.

“What’s so funny?” Bruce frowned, affronted.

“Don’t worry, big guy. None of the Luminas can recognize us,” she said with mirth, taking a swig from the bottle that had magically appeared in her hand.

“How do you know?”

Bruce watched in horror as she shamelessly pointed at one of the vendors manning a stall of weird-looking…fruit…things. The fruits that Loki was currently shoving into a sack.

“What are you doing?!”

“They’ve got the senses of Bor himself.”

Bruce stared.

“They’re practically blind and deaf, is what I mean,” Valkyrie explained.

“That’s—” Bruce sputtered, “that’s despicable!”

Valkyrie shrugged. “It’s either this or we starve. I’m not that broken up about it.”

Bruce looked like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He looked away from Valkyrie to see Thor completely ignoring the two, busy examining a huge mechanism in the middle of the marketplace. It had large vents on the sides and looked like some kind of air filter or something. But it was also, unfortunately, not working.

Bruce had noticed that the air was rather thin here, and to be honest it was getting hard to breathe. Still, he shook it off and went up to Thor, fuming.

“Thor,” he said lowly, “do you even care about what Loki and Val are doing?”

“Hm?” 

“Thor!” Bruce snapped, annoyed that he wasn’t even paying attention. “They’re completely taking advantage of these people. Are you just- are you seriously not going to do anything about it?”

But Thor wasn’t listening, still tilting his head at the machine.

Bruce was beyond frustrated. He reached out a hand to touch Thor and catch his attention, but Thor was already moving out of his grasp. He touched his hands to the machine, closing his eyes.

There was a bright light and Bruce had to shield his eyes. There was a soft hum at first, and Bruce realized it was coming from the machine. Then the hum grew louder as it started whirring, and immediately—amazingly—it became easier to breathe.

This managed to catch the attention of the blob aliens, and they ooh’ed and ahh’ed as they left their stalls and slid over to Bruce and Thor where they stood in front of the machine.

Bruce backed away, caught off guard by the sudden attention. Thor started speaking in a booming voice to the Luminas, and they actually seemed to understand him.

He startled when Loki appeared beside him and started talking.

“You need not look so worried, Banner. My brother wouldn’t actually let me and the Valkyrie get away with petty theft,” Loki said, arms crossed and raising an eyebrow.

“Huh?” Bruce was still confused, turning to look at Loki, who—if Bruce was reading him right—was staring at Thor with a fond, exasperated look.

“The Luminas are a peaceful people, generous and forgiving. They would be willing to help any travelers, even—” his lips quirked up, “—criminals such as ourselves.”

“But how did you know this?” Bruce’s brow was furrowed.

“Believe it or not, that oaf was actually quite good at listening to our tutors. We learned about the different races in our neighboring galaxies, all for the purpose of diplomacy, really.” He shrugged.

Bruce’s gaze turned back to Thor, expression unreadable. “Oh.”

“We would never take without giving something in return. Thor would never allow that.”

“And on Sirius X?”

“He left his vambraces. They were made of material even more precious than Uru, the metal Mjolnir was made of.”

Thor was surrounded by delighted Luminas and Bruce watched him for a little while longer, quiet. Loki left him to his thoughts, slipping away unnoticed. Bruce stared, transfixed as the Luminas approached Thor one by one to rest their little blob hands on his head, patting and cooing in gratitude.

Eventually, the four of them boarded their aircraft to return to the Statesman.

 

Bruce caught Thor by the elbow as he was on his way to his room.

“…Thor? Can we talk?”

Thor inclined his head at Bruce. “Of course, Banner. What ails you?”

Bruce shifted uneasily on his feet, finding it difficult to say the words. Thor seemed to understand and gave him a soft look, taking Bruce’s hand and heading to his own quarters. Bruce felt himself grow a little warm at that, even with the guilt he was feeling.

Thor settled on his bed and patted the spot next to him. “Sit with me?”

Bruce hesitated for the briefest moment, so Thor rubbed his thumb over the back of the hand he was still holding. Bruce smiled gratefully, sitting down and pressing their sides together. He didn’t let go of Thor’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said without preamble. 

Thor tilted his head, waiting patiently. He had really mellowed out in the last couple of years. Bruce had only noticed that about Thor lately, and he found that he quite liked that about him.

Bruce took a breath. “I assumed the worse on Lumina when I really should’ve trusted you. You’re a good man, Thor. One of the best, and I still thought you were taking advantage of those people. I’m so sorry.”

Thor’s lip quirked up to one side. He looked ahead of him at the wall across them, lost in thought. “I can see why you’d react that way. I should have been more forthcoming, I think,” he said sheepishly.

“No,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “This one’s on me. What you did…that was brilliant. You helped out all those people. You were kind to them and apologized for Loki and Val, and you asked for their help without being entitled about it. You’re a good king.”

Thor’s expression was wry. “It has nothing to do with being a king. That’s how things should be, that’s all.”

Bruce smiled, soft and bright. “…yeah,” he murmured.

They sat there for a moment in comfortable silence, and Bruce became acutely aware of his hand still in Thor’s. His eyes were drawn there, as something truly special settled in the air around them.

“Um…” he began.

“Yes?” Thor’s grin was roguish and charming as usual. Damn him and that smile of his.

“What is this?” He gestured with their intertwined hands. “What are we?”

“We are whatever you want us to be, Banner.”

“But what do _you_ want?” he pressed.

Thor hummed, thoughtful. “Anything and everything that you are willing to give. You are dear to me—I thought you knew that.”

“You want… _me_?” Bruce couldn’t believe it.

Thor’s brows furrowed and Bruce would swear he was pouting. “If that was not clear, then I have been doing a terrible job.”

“At what?”

“Wooing you, of course.”

Bruce stared at him in astonishment. “ _You_ were wooing _me_?”

Thor chuckled, and it was a low sound that spread warmth across his face yet again. “So I have been doing a poor job of it, then. Well,” he said, meeting Bruce’s eyes and not letting him look away, “then I simply must do better from now on.”

Then he raised their clasped hands and brushed his lips against Bruce’s knuckles.

_!!_

“I- I think you’re, uh. You’re doing a great job,” he said lamely.

“It’s working, is it?”

Bruce let out a breathless laugh and said, “Well, you _did_ get me to come to bed with you.”

Thor looked positively charmed, and he let out a hearty laugh.

 

“Wait.”

“Yes?” 

“If you knew about the Luminas…”

“Yes?”

“Then why did we…”

“Yes?”

“Why did we have to disguise ourselves as the Avengers?”

Thor shrugged, and the movement made the bed they were lying on shift slightly. “I thought it would be amusing.”

“ _??!?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> This was super fun to write.


End file.
